After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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