My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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