i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
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I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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