I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
