I just saw a hot homeless man
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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