Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
