I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We have so much sex to catch up on
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
3 2 1 whiskey
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