life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
