you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
