my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
