the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
