guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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