it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
