yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
