Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
