I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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