thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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