Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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