Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
