so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
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He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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