if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
