i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
