i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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