I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
