And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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