Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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