a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
