I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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