i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
