Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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