My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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