You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Randomize
