too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
