What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
