did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
