wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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