well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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