everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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