Soap is not a condiment
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
