also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
