I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
