I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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