I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
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Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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