whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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