I wish I only lived at night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
