woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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