It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
All I want is dick and wine.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
