either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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