you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize