of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
