He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
