He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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