Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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