'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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