Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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