dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
