His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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