Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
