she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
