she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
