My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
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I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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