we have officially mastered the walk of shame
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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